Is It Me or the Situation? 4-Point Checklist for Clarity
Is It Me or the Situation? The 4-Part Checklist to Thrive Through Change
When you're miserable in a new chapter, don't blame the situation first. Use this 4-point checklist to discover if you're gripping the old door too tightly to open the new one.
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Thirsty (for Change) Thursday
By Brett G Waddell ~ TheMorningMotivator.com
WAKE UP! Awareness Brings Answers!
Rise and shine, Goal-Getters!
As your Morning Motivator, I start every day with one core mission: to equip you with the mindset, tools, and inspiration needed to show up as the best version of yourself—no matter what chapter of life you're in.
Today, I'm bringing you elite-level training from an unexpected expert: a 21-year-old who just crawled out of 18 months of pure misery. His name is Oakley Robbins, and his story isn't just powerful—it's a masterclass in personal transformation.
In a raw, vulnerable conversation with his mother Mel Robbins on The Mel Robbins Podcast, Oakley breaks down his real-world journey from deep unhappiness in college to genuine fulfillment—without transferring schools, without changing the situation. He changed himself.
What emerged is a practical 4-part checklist that serves as elite training for diagnosing whether your dissatisfaction stems from the external situation or your internal approach. This framework is invaluable for leaders, professionals, and high performers navigating career transitions, new roles, team changes, relocations, or personal pivots.
It trains you to ask the essential question with honesty and rigor: Is it me, or is it time to change the situation?
If you are unhappy right now, grab a pen. Here is your training.
👇 Quick Check-In: What's ONE area of your life where you've been comparing the present to the past? Drop it in the comments on social. I read and respond to every comment—your answer might spark someone else's breakthrough.
⛈️ The Story: From Cloud Nine to Rock Bottom (And Back)
Picture this: Oakley absolutely loved high school. Like, more than anything. He was team captain of two sports, knew everyone in his 900-student school, served as a senior mentor, volunteered at a soup kitchen, and woke up every single day excited to see the people he loved.
But before high school? He hated school with a burning passion. Had few friends. Struggled academically. Middle school and elementary school were downhill battles.
Then high school happened, and everything clicked. For the first time in his life, he felt valued, challenged, and deeply connected to a place and its people.
Here's where it gets real: When it came time for college, Oakley wasn't excited. He didn't want to leave home, his friends, or the girlfriend he'd just fallen for. He went because "everyone says you should go to college."
Day one on campus? Immediate misery.
It was raining when he moved in. He tried to hype himself up, telling himself this would be "the best four years of your life," but the moment his feet hit that campus, all he could think about was how much better his old life was.
For 18 months, he lived in comparison hell:
Walking to class wishing his hometown friends were there
Sitting in the dining hall feeling lonely instead of making new connections
Trying out for the ultimate frisbee team, then quitting because "it didn't feel like high school"
Spending every weekend in his dorm room calling his girlfriend instead of engaging with campus life
Judging every new person against the friends he'd left behind
He was miserable. Lost. Convinced the best days of his life were behind him.
Then, in January 2026, something shifted.
🌟 Synchronicity Check: Did Oakley's story resonate with you? That's not random. Your life is signaling where you're holding on too tight to the past. Honor that nudge.
💬 Wisdom Drop
"You can't open a new door if you're gripping the old one."
"Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development, because success is something you attract by becoming the person you want to attract."
— Jim Rohn
🎥 Watch This Next
Before you blame your situation for your unhappiness, watch this. Your energy is the variable you control.
Redirecting your energy isn't about denying your feelings—it's about choosing where to invest your power. You have more control than you think!!
📋 The 4-Point Checklist: Is It Me or Is It the Situation?
☀️ Takeaway #1: Are You Gripping the Old Door?
The Question: Am I comparing this current chapter to something in the past?
Oakley couldn't see his college experience clearly because he was constantly measuring it against high school. New friends weren't as good as old friends. New teams didn't feel the same. New routines felt wrong.
The Hard Truth: You cannot open a new door if you're gripping tightly to the old one.
When you constantly compare your present to your past, you:
Inflate the fantasy of the "good old days"
Unfairly judge the present
Cross your arms and look for reasons why things don't measure up
Rob yourself of the opportunity to experience something new
The Fix: Stop holding a fantasized version of your past over the reality in front of you. Give the new job, the new city, or the new relationship a fair chance.
🔬 Science Spotlight: Research shows that gratitude activates reward circuitry including the ventral striatum, medial prefrontal cortex, and anterior cingulate cortex.
Gratitude triggers dopamine and serotonin release and modulates the default mode network toward less self-critical, more balanced patterns.
Regular gratitude practice increases gray matter density in the prefrontal cortex and strengthens connectivity between prefrontal cortex and limbic system.
Changes can last months after the intervention!
Key Source: Multiple fMRI studies (2016 Frontiers in Psychology for 3-month effects)
☀️ Takeaway #2: Is Your Energy Expansive or Shrinking?
The Question: Am I saying "Yes" or am I saying "No"?
During his 18 months of misery, Oakley was incredibly stubborn. When friends invited him out, he said no. When opportunities arose, he shrank back. He was quietly quitting his own life because he wanted to prove the situation was wrong.
Check Your Energy:
Are you shrinking? Crossing your arms? Pulling away?
Or is your energy expansive? Leaning in? Saying yes?
When you're unhappy, pay attention to your physical and mental posture. Oakley would go out once in a blue moon, then come back saying "that was horrible" because he was looking for reasons it wouldn't work.
The Fix: You have to intentionally put yourself in the current of the things you want. Say yes to the lunch invite. Say yes to the networking event. Say yes to the awkward first conversation. You can't wait for things to magically click.
🌟 Your Turn: Where in your life have you been saying "no" when you really need to say "yes"? Share your experience on Facebook. Real stories fuel real change.
☀️ Takeaway #3: Are You 100% In It?
The Question: Have I closed the exits?
It's incredibly difficult to be happy in a situation when you're only giving it 40% of your effort.
For Oakley, he wasn't just mentally checking out—he was physically and emotionally keeping one foot out the door. He was in a long-distance relationship, and every weekend he'd retreat to his dorm to call his girlfriend or drive home to see her. She was his "exit."
As long as he had an escape route to his old life, he never had to do the hard work of building a new one.
This applies everywhere:
Constantly daydreaming about your old job?
Mentally checking out of your marriage wondering "what if" about an ex?
Keeping one foot in your old city while living in a new one?
You are not 100% in your current reality.
The Fix: Close the exits. Commit fully to the present. You cannot fairly judge a situation if you haven't given it your absolute all.
☀️ Takeaway #4: If You Change Nothing, Nothing Changes
The Question: Have I changed myself first?
This is the ultimate reality check. Before you decide that the job, the school, or the city is the problem, you must ask yourself: Have I changed my attitude, my energy, and my actions?
When Oakley finally:
Stopped comparing
Started saying "yes"
Closed his exits (he and his girlfriend went full no-contact)
Committed to giving it a year
...he didn't magically wake up happy the next day. It was hard. He had to grieve his old life. He had to push through the awkwardness of making new friends.
But because he changed, his reality changed.
Within a few months, he found himself sitting in his car in the pouring rain with a new close friend, talking for four hours. In that moment, he looked around and realized: "I am actually happy."
The Fix: Take radical responsibility for your experience. Change your mindset, change your actions, and give it a full year.
🧰 The 5-Minute "Is It Me or the Situation?" Audit
Execute This Now:
The Comparison Check: Write down three ways you're comparing your current situation to your past. Be honest. Now ask: "Am I giving this new chapter a fair chance, or am I holding the past over it?"
The Energy Audit: Are you saying "yes" or "no" more often? Track your responses for the next 48 hours. If you're shrinking, commit to ONE "yes" per day.
The Exit Inventory: What exits are you keeping open? Old relationships? Old jobs you're mentally returning to? Old cities you're romanticizing? List them. Then choose ONE to close this week.
The Change Commitment: What ONE thing can you change about how you're showing up? Not the situation—YOU. Write it down. Schedule it. Execute it today.
The One-Year Pledge: Commit to giving this chapter a full year of 100% effort before you decide it's not right. Mark your calendar. Revisit this decision in 12 months.
This isn't about restriction. It's about precision!
🧠 If this shifted something for you, there's more where it came from! Get a daily upgrade like this dropped in your inbox every morning. Subscribe Free →
✨ REAP PRACTICAL APPLICATION ✨
Your 4-Step Rewire for Navigating Life Transitions
This is how we think. This is how we move. This is how we show up!
R — Recognize & Run Out.
Notice: "I'm comparing my present to my past and making myself miserable."
Pause. Ask: "Is this thought true?" "What if the situation isn't the problem—my energy is?" "Who is aware of this pattern?"
E — Exchange + Envision + Emotion.
Replace with: "I am capable of creating happiness right where I am. I choose to expand my energy."
Feel the excitement of possibility. There is hope for change. Use that feeling to move you forward!
A — Activate with Action.
Take one small step in that direction. Say yes to one invitation. Reach out to one new person. Close one exit. Celebrate! Yell out loud: "Woohoo!"
P — Program & Prosper.
Repeat daily. Celebrate tiny wins. Presence becomes identity. Identity becomes reality.
👉 Grab Your Free REAP Your Future PDF: Your 5-Minute On-Demand Focus & Decision-Making Rewire Tool!
Stack the reps, baby!
🚨 CRITICAL WINDOW: First 5 Minutes = Your Programming Goldmine
The REAP On-Demand Rewire framework pairs perfectly with 2 critical windows for programming:
5-10 minutes before you fall asleep
The first 5-10 minutes when you wake up
Your brain is in theta — highly programmable!
During this window, your critical faculty is offline, cortisol is rising to wake the body, and your subconscious is wide open to suggestion.
That's why what you think, say, and feel in these first 300 seconds sets the neurological tone for the entire day.
That is your window. That's why I created:
The 5-Minute Theta Mornings Routine
No decisions. No willpower. Just open, read, repeat, rewire.
👉 DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE THETA MORNINGS PDF HERE
PROGRAM or BE PROGRAMMED!
🛸 Today's Quick Breakdown
Truth: You have more control over your happiness than you think.
Reframe: Stop blaming the situation before you've changed yourself.
Empowerment: Use the 4-point checklist to diagnose whether it's you, the situation, or both.
❓ FAQ
Q: How long should I give a new situation before deciding it's not right?
A: One year of 100% effort. If you've stopped comparing, expanded your energy, said yes, closed your exits, and changed yourself—and nothing has improved—it's time to change the situation. But most people haven't actually changed yet.
Q: What if I've already tried everything and I'm still miserable?
A: Go through the checklist with brutal honesty. Are you really not comparing? Are you truly saying yes? Have you actually closed all exits? Most people think they've tried everything, but they're still quietly quitting.
Q: How do I know if it's me or the situation?
A: If you change yourself and nothing changes, it's the situation. If you haven't changed yourself yet, it's you. The checklist tells you which box you're in.
🏖️ THE BIGGER VISION
Perfect days are engineered.
One decision.
One behavior.
One moment of awareness at a time.
This is the mission.
Awareness → REAP → Repetition → Identity → Reality
As C.S. Lewis said: "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
But you have to let go of the past to see them.
💖 Love in Action:
"To choose the best interests of another person and act on their behalf."
That's what this is.
Every post.
Every tool.
Every insight.
Helping people become more calm, more present, more powerful… is an act of love.
💪🏼 Your Next Step 🔥
✅ If this shifted something for you, there's more where it came from — every single day. Join the Daily Upgrade →
✅ Get your FREE REAP Blueprint
✅ Share this with someone who needs a breakthrough today!
Five minutes. One shift. One upgrade.
💖 This post exists because I believe the best thing I can do for you is bring you the truth— Scientific, Soulful, and Actionable. YOU are why I'm here.
Stay Focused. Keep Asking Better Questions!
P.S.— This is how we reach the perfect day.
Not all at once.
One deposit at a time.
One pillar at a time.
One morning at a time.
See you tomorrow at 4:44 AM.
Hey, I'm just your science-backed, soul-led, unapologetically human, mindset & motivation trainer. The content provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and this blog is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll catch you tomorrow.
Pay It Forward! 🚀
~Brett
TheMorningMotivator.com
You're Upgrading 1%+ Every Day! Keep Going! = +34% Monthly, +38% Better Annually!
🌱 Continue Your Journey
🔸 Your Genes Are the Blueprint, Your Beliefs Are the Builder: Rewiring Reality Through Epigenetics — "Give me a child until it's seven and I will show you the man."— Jesuit Proverb (Validated by Modern Neuroscience) (May 2, 2026) →
🔸 What If the Answer Isn't Ahead of You… But Is the One Asking the Question? Where Consciousness Research Meets Direct Experience— The Illusion of Reality. (April 11, 2026) →
