Wellness Wednesday: The Power of “Let Them” in Difficult Relationships
“Let Them” Go: 5 Rules to Take Back Your Peace in Difficult Relationships! (Inspired by Mel Robbins)
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head for days, wishing you’d said something different—or that they had?
Difficult relationships can drain your energy, hijack your focus, and make even good days feel heavy. But what if the secret to reclaiming your peace isn’t getting other people to change… What if it’s letting them be exactly who they are—and choosing differently for yourself?
That’s the heart of the “Let Them Theory,” a powerful concept Mel Robbins breaks down in her YouTube video “5 Rules for Difficult Relationships: How to Take Back Your Peace & Power.”
In this Wellness Wednesday blog, we’ll unpack how to actually live this theory, so you can stop over-functioning in relationships and start protecting your mental and emotional well‑being.
(Mel's video is just below.)
A Real-Life Scenario: When They Don’t Text Back
Imagine this. You’re excited about your weekend plans with a close friend. You’ve picked the restaurant, made the reservation, even planned your outfit. The night before, you send a quick text: “Hey! Still good for tomorrow at 7?”
No reply. By mid-day, your brain is racing: “Did I do something wrong?” “Are they mad at me?” “Do they not care about this friendship as much as I do?” Finally, an hour before dinner, they text: “Hey, sorry, can’t make it. Something came up.” No explanation.
Old you might spiral: get resentful, over-explain your feelings, or chase them for reassurance.
“Let Them Theory” You does something radically different:
Let them be someone who cancels last-minute.
Let them show you how they prioritize things.
Let them reveal who they are—so you can decide what to do with that information.
You don’t manipulate, chase, or over-accommodate. You calmly adjust your expectations, your emotional investment, and maybe your future plans with them. You take your power back by no longer tying your worth to their behavior.
What Is the “Let Them Theory”?
The Let Them Theory is simple, but not easy:
“Let people be exactly who they are—and use what they show you to make choices that protect your peace.”
Instead of trying to fix, rescue, convince, or control others, you:
Observe what they actually do (not what you wish they would do).
Stop pushing against their behavior.
Shift your energy back to what you can control: your reactions, boundaries, and decisions!
This doesn’t mean you tolerate abuse or disrespect. It means you stop exhausting yourself trying to micromanage everyone else’s moods, choices, and opinions.
How Do You Use the Let Them Theory in Real Life?
From Mel’s breakdown, here’s how to put the Let Them Theory into practice:
Notice the trigger. That moment when your heart starts racing, your jaw tightens, or you feel that “here we go again” dread—that’s your cue. Pause before reacting.
Name the pattern. Instead of thinking, “Why are they like this?” you think, “Ah. This is who they’ve consistently shown me they are.”
Say it to yourself: “Let them.” Let them not text back. Let them show up late. Let them be critical. Let them misunderstand you. Not because it’s okay—but because it’s true.
Decide what you will do. You might stop oversharing with someone who keeps judging you, decline invitations that leave you drained, or set a boundary: “I’m not available for this kind of conversation.”
Let your choices—not their behavior—lead your life. Your self-respect grows every time you honor your own limits instead of trying to push theirs.
How to Stop an Adult Tantrum (Without Having One Yourself)
Adult tantrums don’t always look like yelling. Sometimes they’re silent treatment, passive aggression, or guilt-tripping. When someone is emotionally spinning out, your nervous system wants to match their energy. The Let Them Theory offers another option:
Let them have their emotion. You don’t have to fix it.
Lower your voice instead of raising it. Calm is power.
Use simple, clear language: “I’m available to talk when we’re both calmer,” or “I’m not going to be spoken to like this, so I’m stepping away now.”
You’re not punishing them; you’re protecting you.
Using the Let Them Theory with Family
Family makes this the hardest—and the most necessary. Let them have their opinion about your career, partner, or lifestyle. Let them repeat the same story or criticism. Let them gossip, complain, or judge… And let yourself choose: how much time you spend with them, what topics you engage in, and what you will and won’t tolerate in your presence.
“Let them” is not cold. It’s clarity. You can love people and stop letting their unresolved issues run your life.
Venting Doesn’t Always Reduce Anger
✅One of the most surprising points from Mel’s video: venting doesn’t necessarily make you calmer. In many cases, it rehearses and strengthens your anger.
Every time you retell the story about what someone did to you, your brain and body relive it. You stay activated instead of healing!
A Let Them approach asks: Instead of venting for an hour, what’s one boundary I could set? Instead of replaying the story, what’s one action that moves me forward?
Sometimes peace isn’t found in talking more—it’s found in choosing differently.
Setting Boundaries Using the Let Them Theory
Boundaries and Let Them go hand in hand:
Let them behave how they choose.
You decide what access they get to you.
Examples:
“You’re allowed to complain constantly. I’m allowed to limit our calls to once a week.”
“You’re allowed to not plan ahead. I’m allowed to stop rearranging my schedule for you.”
Boundaries are not about controlling others; they’re about controlling what you accept and participate in.
5-Minute Action Plan: Start Using the Let Them Theory Today
Set a timer for five minutes and walk through these steps:
Identify one difficult relationship. Write their first name or initials at the top of a page.
List three behaviors that drain you. Example: cancels last minute, constantly criticizes, never takes responsibility.
Apply “Let Them” to each behavior. “Let them cancel last minute.” “Let them criticize.” “Let them avoid responsibility.” This isn’t approval—it’s acknowledgment of reality.
Write one boundary or shift for each behavior. “If they cancel last minute twice, I stop making plans with them.” “When they criticize, I change the topic or end the conversation.”
Pick ONE change to practice this week. Circle the easiest boundary and commit to it. Peace comes from consistent small shifts, not one dramatic blowup.
Transform Your Life with the Let Them Theory
When you stop trying to manage other people and start managing yourself, you notice changes: less anxiety after social interactions, more energy for people who genuinely show up, fewer overthought texts and sleepless nights, and a deeper sense of self-respect.
You can’t control who they are. You can control who you continue to be around them.
So this Wellness Wednesday, try this mantra:
“I let them be who they are. I choose who I am in response.”
And remember: that choice is where your peace and power live.
FAQs About the Let Them Theory & Difficult Relationships
1. Does “letting them” mean I’m letting people walk all over me? No. Letting them is about accepting reality, not accepting disrespect. You let them show you who they are, then you set boundaries, reduce access, or walk away if needed.
2. What if the person is my partner or family member? I can’t just cut them off. You don’t have to. Start with emotional boundaries: share less, detach from their mood, limit certain topics, and shorten interactions when they become toxic. Small shifts can create big emotional relief.
3. How do I use the Let Them Theory at work? Let coworkers be who they are—disorganized, gossipy, or negative—and focus on what you control: your communication, your deadlines, your participation. You can also set boundaries like not engaging in gossip or clarifying expectations in writing.
You've Got This!!
Pay It Forward! 🚀
~Brett
TheMorningMotivator.com · CompleteBusinessFitness.com
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